Is this thing on?

If all the world were paper
And all the seas were ink
And all the trees were bread and cheese
Then what would we do for drink?

I readily admit that I did not write that, but I still want answers. Go then, do my bidding.

Does anyone know the way to the can?

Where am I? More to the point, what are you doing here? Stupid technology. This is no place for me, but what difference does that make to you? You're here anyway aren't you? Sure, laugh at my descent into techno-progress. Think you're all high and mighty don't you, what with your electric lights, store-bought clothes and excellent posture? Look, I don't know how to work this thing, but its too late to stop now. Sit back and listen to the sound of madness. I make no promises to frequency of posting, nor to the quality thereof.